One of the experts that contributes to My One Amor is Lisa Clampitt, founder of the Matchmaking Institute. I have read a lot of her articles. Below are my thoughts, based on hundreds of dates, to some of her points in a recent article that was published.
EXCERPTS FROM A RECENT ARTICLE: 10 TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL DATE
- Choose the right place to meet:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Make it a quiet, neutral place convenient and accessible to the both of you, outside of your home or apartment and away from noisy bars and distractions. You want to be able to communicate easily and hear all the details of the conversation.
Dating Addict Says: Agree. A quiet bar happy hour is best.
- Stay focused on the other person:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Avoid distractions during your date. Focus and relate directly to your date and listen to what they have to say. Be curious and ask follow up questions to their stories. This is especially helpful if you tend to be nervous or quiet at first!
Dating Addict Says: Agree
- Keep the conversation balanced:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) Says: Don’t monopolize the conversation with a rambling, verbal resume about yourself or your accomplishments. You may think you are impressing your date, but often, talking too much on a date will make the other person loose interest and feel you are self involved. Make sure it’s a give and take and show your curious side.
Dating Addict Says: Agree
- Be a flirt:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Flirting is a great way to show someone you are interested. Make eye contact, smile, be curious, interact, and engage with members of the opposite sex. Rest assured, your positive, open, flirtatious aura will attract attention.
Dating Addict: Agree
- Stay in the present:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Avoid talking about an ex or any horror stories from the past. As tempting is this can be, it is a lose-lose situation. Instead, concentrate on interests or points of view you have in common. Enjoy finding out about someone new and discovering what you are like now, with this new person.
Dating Addict: Unfortunately, most women will almost always talk about their past (as will some men, myself included). This can be a great point of common ground especially if it involves a story of someone else you met from an online date
- Be positive:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Everyone is attracted to someone who is happy. Leave your worries at home when you go out on a date. Dating is an opportunity to go on vacation from your daily grind. Give your date and yourself a break during this time. The more upbeat and positive you feel, the more attractive and magnetic you are.
Dating Addict says: Agree
- Don’t have sex on a first date:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Showing someone you are interested or attracted to them by flirting is one thing, but maintain boundaries by leaving some mystery for the second date. Getting sexual right away doesn’t usually work out. Allow yourself time to balance physical attraction with other important elements like basic values and communication as well as discovering similar outlooks and interests. Give your date a chance to be more than a just a sexual encounter.
Dating Addict says: It is more important to have an open mind and go with the flow. Some women enjoy sex and will have it just off chemistry others may feel that they are ready after a long romantic evening. However, if the person has had a lot to drink that may be clouding their judgment. About 50% of the women I met wanted to have sex on the first date. The majority of the rest had it on the second date. But remember, no means no, so never force anything. If a women has had a lot to drink, its best to wait and talk about it the next day. She will feel like you took advantage of her otherwise.
- Take your time:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Give yourself time to discover how you feel about this person and how they feel about you. You can’t rush a relationship or take it faster than the pace at which each of you is comfortable with. Enjoy savoring the moment.
Dating Addict says: If you are on a long first date where there is great chemistry, getting caught up in the moment seems to drive the pace. Most women want relationships so they tend to push the issue. Some will say they are “old school” and want to take things slow. I usually bail on those.
- Learn to recognize the signs of unequal attraction:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: Try and learn to read the body language of your date. Look at what they are telling you both verbally and nonverbally. Try and be honest with yourself. If you sense your attraction to them is not really reciprocated, don’t force the issue. If this person is not right for you, save your energy for someone who is. And if you’re the one who is less interested, don’t be rude but don’t lead them on either.
Dating Addict says: This can be tough. I have been with very flirty women who rejected a kiss and others who seemed cold but loved the forward advances. Generally, if a person is smiling, looking into your eyes continually, sitting close and the conversation is flowing, they’re ready for a kiss.
- Follow up from the date:
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaking Institute) says: If you are interested in seeing this person again, don’t play games. Call them, ask them out again or return their call if they call you first. Don’t make the other person guess where you stand. Be honest and communicate. There is nothing ruder than unreturned phone calls.
Dating Addict: Agree. No one wants to be ghosted so always communicate that night or the very next day. Usually you’ll know if you’re on a one and done date by the end of it anyway.