A little over a year ago I did a point counter point with a New York City matchmaker about how to have a successful date. Of the 10 pieces of advice she gave, we agreed on 6 of them. I will say this, the best tips for a successful date may depend on what you want.
My One Amor has written several articles about good and bad first date ideas. Most recently a so-called dating expert gave 6 ideas for good first dates in Men’s Health, which in the opinion of our editor, were like the worst possible first date ideas (unless as a woman you don’t value your safety).
Taking the whole first date backdrop away, let’s talk about a date in general.
The ten points we debated were:
- Choose the right meeting place
- Stay focused on the other person
- Keep the conversation balanced
- Be a flirt
- Stay in the present
- Be positive
- Don’t have sex on the first date
- Take your time
- Learn to recognize the signs of unequal attraction
- Follow up from (after) the date
Again, to read our debate of the above points, here is a link to the article.
When looking at the above list, what your intentions are may determine how you will handle each of them. For some people it may be hard to accomplish a couple of these. As an example, if you are reserved, being a flirt is not you. For others it may be hard to keep a conversation balanced, especially if your consumed mentally with something like your ex, kids, job, etc.
My intention is always about sex so that is why we agreed on 6 points and of course did not agree on the point about not having sex on the first date. But I did explain why it does happen and its not just me, so don’t judge too quickly.
If you are all about yourself or have not actively dated for a long time you may have trouble with the recognizing signs of unequal attraction or staying focused on the other person.
But it all comes down to what you want. If you are casually dating, then you may or may not really try to follow any of this and just take it as it comes. Experience has taught me, and many dating experts will agree, you need a plan, or you’ll find yourself in a world of nothing but first dates.
If following the advice above seems totally foreign to you then perhaps a dating coach may be someone you might want to have a chat with.
If you want a relationship, then this is a good point by point to follow.
Or if you’re like me, you’ll follow the ones that make her feel comfortable, with the goal of having sex as soon as possible.
Bottom line, like I said, the best tips for a successful date may depend on what you want.