Although I live in Miami, I occasionally read the New York Post. A dating article caught my eye and it really struck a chord with me in kind of a negative way. The article was titled: This is why you’re blowing your first dates. It summarized a couple of first date bad experiences. The people involved had met on several different dating apps including The League and Coffee Meets Bagel. We all know Coffee Meets Bagel from Shark Tank where Mark Cuban offered them $30M and they declined his offer without even making a counter offer, YIKES.
While I think there is always room in the world for elitist apps like the League, this all goes back to a very simple problem that everyone dating should pay attention to and that is talking extensively BEFORE you meet. If you just want to date random people or have no idea what you want then keep going out on first dates that will mostly go bad. Trust me on this one. I have now met 347 different women and counting since April 2013 so I have some real experience at this. Not to mention having had written message communication with almost 1,500 and talked on the phone to over 600.
If you are truly looking for a relationship, regardless of how realistic or unrealistic your perceived perfect mate is, you need to talk for at least a minimum of 4 hours over a couple day period prior to meeting. During that time you’ll learn if the person actually has the time to talk. You’ll learn how attentive and responsive they are. I have heard all the “let me meet them and see before I invest time” stories. Well that is bull shit. Just my own personal stats of talking vs meeting should be a great clue. And as far as the fear of being catfished or people changing their appearance with Facetuned, there is simple solution, FaceTime, Skype or WhatsApp. This is basically why you’re blowing your first dates.
During your conversations, prior to meeting, you can ask lots of questions about lifestyle, work, commitment, family values and even how they’ll dress on the first date. Not to mention see if they have the same sense of humor. If you don’t like what you hear or they refuse to video chat then pass on them. Again, unless you love meeting total strangers, I can tell you this is how to do it 100%. And as far as LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, that can all be fake and doesn’t reveal if the person is a psycho. You’ll learn a lot with just some good old fashion conversation before you consider meeting in person.
I do respect the opinion of Three Day Rule matchmaker Devyn Simone, who was quoted in the New York Post article referenced above. But my own opinion, from personal experience, is it doesn’t matter if you meet in NYC or Miami, you’re still gonna get lots of questions on a first date unless you get to know the person a little ahead of time. And after you have video chatted and gotten to know each other a little, you may find yourself feeling excited to meet the person instead of anxiety.
All I can say if you are not willing to vet a person with a couple long conversations or video chats, then be prepared for lots of bad first dates. And that is the truth why you’re blowing your first dates.