As a person who has now met over 350 women on dating apps in the past 4 years, I can talk from a position of experience. I am going to share with you some questions you should ask before your first date. And trust me, talk as much as you can before you meet someone for the first date. If you want to just run out and meet someone to see if there is physical “chemistry” then plan on having lots of waste of time first dates.
And if you’re new to dating apps and have heard all the cool stories about people who met the love of their life online then ask, “how long ago did you meet that person online ?” The answer will probably be years ago as now only about 5% of people find real relationships online. The exception is the LBGTQ, Black and Jewish online dating apps. This is why people in the matchmaking industry and dating coach business are finding no shortage of new clients.
So with the above in mind, it definitely pays to ask questions upfront. Catfishing used to be one of the biggest problems but now with apps like Match.com using recorded videos on profiles and lots of people starting to figure out it’s a good idea to video chat before you meet, the catfish numbers are finally dropping.
Now back to the questions that are going to make a difference. This is based on someone actually looking for a relationship. I know a lot of experts may disagree with what I am going to say but have they met 350 people lately ?
- The very first question to ask is how the person feels about exclusivity ? In other words, are they taking new people one at a time or are you in a crowd. If a person does not focus on one person at a time they are really not that serious about a relationship. The idea of dating multiple people and one will rise to the top is absolute BS !
- Next, ask if they are looking for a relationship and pay attention as to how sure they are about their answer. Any “I think” or “it is my ultimate goal” or “isn’t everyone”, etc answer is probably a red flag. People who know make it quite clear they are 100% sure and usually will grill you on how committed you are.
- If you have kids or they have kids, ask how they feel about how much time they should be in a relationship before you both meet each other’s kids. This is a real slippery slope but can tell a lot about how serious a person is. People who are over protective of their kids may have a difficult time being fully committed or lets anyone and everyone met their kids (unless they are very young) may not have strong family values. I know this is very general, but my experience is after you have been intimate and the relationship is going someplace, it’s time to bring the kids into the picture.
- Find out if you have some basic things in common; music, tv shows, sports, travel, food, religion, exercise, politics etc.. Trust me on this, if you are miles apart on tv, music or even food, think about how much time that occupies in your life and how important that may be to have in common. And if religion and politics don’t line up, its over before it begins.
- Another important question that may be a deal breaker to some is, do your schedules sync up ? Do you have the same days and times available to see each other along with their perception of how much time they want to devote to a new relationship. If you can only see someone every other weekend or maybe one day during the week, how long do you think it will take to get to know them and this is where integrating the kids into the relationship sooner comes into play.
These are Some questions you should ask before your first date .. if the answers are not to your liking swipe left.