Matchmaking Expert: You Found Someone – When Do You Have Sex The First Time ?

(Matchmaking Expert says) I’ll give it to you straight. The amount of time you wait before having sex with a guy is totally irrelevant next to this question – are you dating a good guy, or a player?

If a player wants to sleep with you, he will make it happen because he knows how to get the job done. If he isn’t interested in settling down, no amount of game playing or strategizing on your part is going to get him to feel differently. So, whether you sleep with him on date one or date five (if he sticks around that long) if he’s simply looking for fun, you haven’t really won anything by holding out on him for those five dates.

You want to know what happens when you sleep with a genuinely nice guy who is interested in you on the first date? He calls you the next day! He asks you when he can see you again. He makes you a priority.

I have a good friend who is a perfect example of this. He is an amazing guy, who is extremely relationship oriented, and he slept with his now wife on their first date. He told me when I asked him his opinion on this topic that he actually only kept dating her because she slept with him on the first date. To him this was how he knew she liked him!

Now, I’m not advocating that you have sex on your first date by any means. The friend I just mentioned is simply an extreme example of how timing is irrelevant when you meet the right person. The point I’m trying to make is that your choice in men is much more relevant than then how long into your relationship you decide to sleep with someone.

If you want a long-term relationship, what doesn’t work is following rules or playing games. What does work is making good choices and learning which qualities you are looking for in a partner.

If you are worried about trusting your instincts, make sure that you are on the same page with your partner in terms of what sleeping together means. If you want monogamy, make sure they’re not sleeping with other people. Not only is it emotionally destructive for either of you to be having sex with multiple partners, it can be dangerous physically as well. STDs are not romantic or sexy. So as Patti Stanger, another matchmaking expert says, “No sex without monogamy!”

Cheers to making good choices and finding your great guy

Editors Note: We’re coming up on Valentines Day soon so look at what Lisa Clampitt, matchmaking expert, said in an earlier interview on ABC News