It seems like every time I watch the local news or read a dating advice blog there is a story about someone having a bad experience from online dating. Well, all I can say is, attention online dating sites time to give risk disclaimers to women. Like many things in life, it’s buyer beware, as they used to say.
The problem is very simple, online dating site and app operators publish ads that seem to claim singles wanting relationships can find the perfect person by just joining. The perception is this huge selection of nice like minded singles waiting for you to find them for a relationship. That may have been somewhat true 5 years ago but those days are gone for most people. In fact the Pew Research Center says that on 5% of people in relationships started online !
Over the past 3 years I have communicated with over 1,000 women, personally spoke on the phone with over 500 and met over 300 so I have a lot of experience at this. I can tell you that almost without exception, the women I communicated with all had varying degrees of not so nice experiences. It starts from the moment a woman joins.
First when you join, the site or app makes it clear in searches that you are a new subscriber. Serial daters and experienced users will find you quickly. The result is usually an overwhelming number of messages. Now the choice, answer all of them or just the ones that interest you. It doesn’t really matter as there are people that don’t like being ignored or others who see rejection as an invitation to be rude and offensive. Not to mention the initial sexual innuendo messages. So right out of the gate some women subscribers become leary. Just knowing this I say, attention online dating sites time to give risk disclaimers to women
Now after you wade through all the unwanted and not so nice messages, you begin communication with someone who interests you. If you are actually seeking to meet someone then at some point you’ll exchange phone numbers and ultimately talk on the phone. If all goes well, you plan to meet. I won’t go through all the meeting possibilities from a coffee meet to dinner date, I covered this in a previous post. Now you meet, hopefully you don’t get catfished and there is some mutual attraction.
So who exactly have you met ? A serial dater, scam arstit, criminal, rapist, freak, misogynist, narcissist, stalker, etc or maybe a normal person. Unfortunately, when it comes to online dating the odds of finding that “normal person” who actually wants a relationship (at least with men are really slim). The question is how long does it take before you find this out and then when you meet the next person will it be a repeat of the same ? Again, odds are it will be. So after a couple rounds of this, you’ve had enough and so the story goes.
Experts certainly agree that doing a Google search on a person to see if there is any obvious negative public information about someone is a good idea. And of course, meet in a public place where there are plenty of people and always tell someone where you have gone. But the idea of a paid background service check is something that is probably over the top unless after you have started dating there are red flags that make you believe something is wrong.
The fundamental issue is that our society has changed here in the U.S. and not as many men want committed relationships as women do. Added to that the perception now among men that dating apps and sites are for hookups. And finally, when a man who does want a relationship finds someone, then he is no longer available making the pool of men even smaller. A recent Huffington Post article by Julie Spira, talking about singles in America, a February 2017 survey says 54% of women are burned out looking for love.
Bottom line, online dating can be frustrating and, some now claim, potentially dangerous for women. But the folks who operate these sites know all this, so again, attention online dating sites time to give risk disclaimers to women.